It's The Little Things

It's the little things that get to you.

It's the little things that turn you into the nagging, whining, griping, bitching, moaning MOM you've become.

It's not your fault.

The little things add up.  They're EVERYWHERE!!!!


Here are some of MY LITTLE THINGS:

SOCKS!!!  FREAKING SOCKS!!!!!!

Oh look...it's the washing machine.  Seems innocent enough.

But

We don't have a level floor in the basement, and The Man had to build a little platform for the washing machine to stand on.  That's good, right?

WRONG!!!!

SON OF A B*$#@ !!!  

After almost EVERY load of laundry.  You do the math.

Oh look, it's a  m*%$erf@cking EMPTY TOILET PAPER CARDBOARD ROLL THINGY!!!


DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THE FREAKING GARBAGE IS?!?

Let's get out of the bathroom for a moment, and go to the kitchen to hang up a crisp, fluffy, fresh-out-of-the-dryer, lovely, clean, smellin'-good dish towel!

ohdeargod...

RRRRRRRR......

Meanwhile...back in the bathroom, at some point EVERY DAY

Aaaah...life with little boys...

And it's even MORE fun if you FORGET TO CHECK FIRST

Oh how I hate  WET CHEEKS.  


Sigh.



Little things.  Petty, petty, little things that drive me crazy.



What are some of YOUR little things???

Kids Are Gross

Sure, we love our kids.

We love them to BITS.

They're cute, and funny, and charming.  They are also, from time to time, annoying, rude, bossy, and...oh wait....I should have stopped at charming.

But, from my observances, kids are also something ELSE.

They're gross.

Let's face it.

I know you feel me on this.

They want to show you the crap that comes out of their ears.

They wipe....THINGS..on places where THINGS should never go, instead of just getting a freaking TISSUE!!!

They create disgusting songs and poems to celebrate bums and boobies and dinks and poo poos and pee pees and boogers and stinks and, well, you name it.

They quickly discover they have a deep love and affection for FARTS.  It's bad enough that they're constantly sucking you in, getting your attention only to tell you:

"I FARTED!!"  with great delight.


But the worst...the absolute WORST...

The one thing I can NOT stand....

The thing that I should never find on:

- the side of the bathtub
- the drawers of a dresser
-the bathroom floor
- the wall beside the toilet paper

and NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER, EVERRRRRR ON A CLEAN FREAKING TOWEL!!!!!

I WISH I could tell you THAT never happened.

Sigh.

I KNOW you feel me on this.

Glamour Girl Learns

The other day, I had just finished getting washed

when suddenly I heard a little voice behind me

and when I turned around...

GAH! 

Yeah, yeah.  Whatever, over-reacting MOM.

She rolled her eyes and said;

but then a little later...


PANIC!!!!

What else could I do?

I grabbed a washcloth and started scrubbing.  Girlie wasn't too pleased.

And I cheerfully told her she had now truly learned one of life's great emotions:

REGRET!

Other Moms VS karen

You know,

sometimes I feel pretty certain that I suck as a homemaker.

I roll out of bed each morning at the last possible second.  I don't like housework, or find it remotely rewarding.  I seem to only do a really good job cleaning the house right before someone is coming over, and I really do prefer to spend a LOT of time looking things up on the computer.  Oh--and I'm ALWAYS forgetting important school stuff for the kids.

Sigh.

Sometimes I imagine what other, more efficient moms must be like.


Maybe it's a little bit like this...

and I start my day like this

And I'll bet those other moms are like THIS two hours before company arrives

and this is me in the last FRANTIC two hours before company is coming:

Good moms have a firm grasp on what's going DOWN at their kids' school.

and then there's me...

and let's not speak of THIS

A good mother serves delicious dinners, with each of the four food groups represented.

but damn--sometimes I'm tired, and SICK of cooking!!!

OH well.

Queen Of Lies 2

Recently, I was reading The Boy a bedtime story...

...and was RUDELY interrupted.

In case you weren't aware, kids kind of suck at the whole bathroom business, and basically nearly an entire roll of toilet paper disappears whenever they have to GO.

So, I said;

"Okay, just be careful that you don't use too much toilet paper."



And the little IMP smiled evilly and said;

"Okay."  I told him, all casual-like,  "Go ahead.  But then you'll plug the toilet, and a RIVER OF POOP will come flowing out and run right into your bedroom."

Who's laughing now?

Yeah.

A (Shockingly) Nice Little Story

So, at the kids' school, they have school shirts, and coats, and different things you can buy.

They also have water bottles, with the school name printed on them.  But they're not really for sale.  Usually you get one by WINNING THEM.


At the end of each month, there is a school spirit assembly.  Awards are handed out to kids who have embodied the good "character trait of the month," and sometimes there's a draw for some small prizes...

...like a school water bottle.

And recently, girlie came out of school all excited, because they drew her name, and she won a prize.

That's great, right?!?

But, there's only one small catch:  the person who has yearned for a water bottle, dreamed of a water bottle, talked all the time about a water bottle, hoped for a water bottle, wished for a water bottle more than anyone else in the whole world...


...is her brother.

Believe you me--we've had a LOT of talks about FREAKING WATER BOTTLES, and what "draws" are, and how do you win in a draw and oh man...let's just say for the past two school years, we've talked about it A LOT.



But the little guy didn't win.  I knew how much and how long he'd wanted that stupid water bottle.


And it wasn't like he was a tantrum-y jerk about it, or freaked out, or had a melt-down about it or anything, so that you could say something motherly like; "OH BIG DEAL! NOBODY WINS ALL THE TIME. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR YOUR SISTER."

  No; he was just quietly pitiful after school, as he sat by the computer to draw his pictures.


Just quiet and sad.  Even worse.

But...

That was one of the nicest things ever.





Whoo! That was boring.