A (Shockingly) Nice Little Story

So, at the kids' school, they have school shirts, and coats, and different things you can buy.

They also have water bottles, with the school name printed on them.  But they're not really for sale.  Usually you get one by WINNING THEM.


At the end of each month, there is a school spirit assembly.  Awards are handed out to kids who have embodied the good "character trait of the month," and sometimes there's a draw for some small prizes...

...like a school water bottle.

And recently, girlie came out of school all excited, because they drew her name, and she won a prize.

That's great, right?!?

But, there's only one small catch:  the person who has yearned for a water bottle, dreamed of a water bottle, talked all the time about a water bottle, hoped for a water bottle, wished for a water bottle more than anyone else in the whole world...


...is her brother.

Believe you me--we've had a LOT of talks about FREAKING WATER BOTTLES, and what "draws" are, and how do you win in a draw and oh man...let's just say for the past two school years, we've talked about it A LOT.



But the little guy didn't win.  I knew how much and how long he'd wanted that stupid water bottle.


And it wasn't like he was a tantrum-y jerk about it, or freaked out, or had a melt-down about it or anything, so that you could say something motherly like; "OH BIG DEAL! NOBODY WINS ALL THE TIME. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR YOUR SISTER."

  No; he was just quietly pitiful after school, as he sat by the computer to draw his pictures.


Just quiet and sad.  Even worse.

But...

That was one of the nicest things ever.





Whoo! That was boring.

Now Over-playing In My Brain

Well,

On Saturday morning, while enjoying a gorgeous cup of coffee,

I saw that the movie "Coal Miner's Daughter" was on; a biographical movie about the life of country music legend Loretta Lynn.

Well, I'd heard the song "Coal Miner's Daughter," and I kinda remember Loretta Lynn from commercials back when I was a kid, but I didn't know much else about her.

It didn't take long before I was hooked, and watched most of the movie.

Sure, I like some OLD country music, but in general, I'm not a big country music fan.

Still, I am a big music nut, and the charming over-the-top honky tonk music in the movie made me want MORE!

That's what happens when I discover some music that I hadn't heard before.  It flips some crazy switch in my brain, and I become OBSESSED.

I mean--don't even get me started about Brian Wilson from The Beach Boys.  I went on a Beach Boys RAMPAGE for weeks recently.

But now I have a NEW LOVE:  LORETTA LYNN!

And I couldn't get enough of her clear-as-a-bell voice, and homespun, almost hilarious subject matter...

and I LURV the way she sang those whip-snap songs with an angelic smile on her face...



And then my brain completely short-circuited.

THAT SONG HAS BEEN PLAYING ON A CONSTANT LOOP IN MY BRAIN ALL FREAKING WEEKEND

NO MATTER WHAT ELSE I'VE BEEN DOING

IT'S BEEN MAKING THE KIDS MENTAL

But sometimes, you just gotta belt it out.

Sorry kids.

(Thank you  Loretta Lynn)





Whoo! That was boring.

Cake Day!

You know,

All week long I eat very healthy.
Ridiculously healthy.
Boringly healthy.

But have I forgotten my favourite delicious foods?!?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!?

So, on Sunday, I loosen up a little, and I make something that I LURV.

AND I LOVE CAKE!

I FREAKING LOVE CAKE!!!

But not just any old cake.  It has to be GOOD CAKE.  You go ahead and make your boxed cake mix cake, and still call it cake.  Fine....for you.

I'm talking about light, fluffy delicious cake that tastes like butter and sugar and vanilla, with a fluffy, sugary, buttery icing.

THAT is what I want.  And I wanted that stupid cake ALL WEEK.

But why make just any old cake?

Why not make...

BLUE CAKE!!!

Actually, that was totally The Man's idea.  I held out for a long time, because--blue cake?  What?  Am I FIVE?  No.  I am not.  I am a grown woman.

Meh.  He wore me down.

But WHO CARES ?!?  IT'S CAKE!  CAAAAAAAKE!  WONDERFUL SWIRLY ICING AND SUGAR-CRAMMED HEAVENLY CREATION!!!!

CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!



TAKE A BITE...

DO YOU HEAR THE MUSIC???

YOU ARE EATING CAAAAAAAAAAKE

WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SWEET, DELICIOUS
CAKE



There's only one little problem...you never eat that way usually...

...and you're FORTY now...

One good-sized slice of cake now equals immediate gut-rot.

Sorry.




Whoo! That was boring.

Queen Of Lies

As a parent, it is my duty, to sometimes tell...

lies.

Yes, we don't like it, but sometimes we must.
Sometimes we must even create completely ridiculous, totally outrageous UN-TRUTHS.


Take the other day for instance:

The Man was away for work, so we went and picked up a pizza.

and as we're walking back to the car, the "FIGHT TWINS" can NOT STOP FIGHTING.


BIG SURPRISE.

I try to just ignore it, but it only ever gets WORSE.


So, I do what I do best...

As IF  I ever would.  I just paid for it, and I was hungry too.

But I don't have to tell THEM that.

Whoo! That was boring.

Dress karen For Winter!

Brrr! It's cold outside and karen has to go pick up the kids from school (whether she likes it or not)!


Help karen get dressed for winter!

WHO THE HELL IS THAT  ?!?



Whoo! That was boring.

Ella's Spa

My girlie is so funny.

She loves to give me back massages, and recently she wanted to create her own home SPA and paint my fingernails.

With a teeny bit of reluctance I agreed to an "appointment."

So, she got her markers and whipped up a sign:

It couldn't just be "Ella's Spa."  No.  That doesn't sound chic enough.  It had to be "Le Ella's Spa," and it had to be pronounced "LEE ELLAAAA SPAAA."

She stuck that thing to the bathroom door with a piece of green painter's tape because that's the only freaking tape left in the house, because kids LOVE tape and if a roll of tape comes into the house, it's better than any toy or present, and they use that tape until it is GONE.

Ahem.

Okay, so let's THINK about this.  The KID is going to paint my nails.

The super clumsy kid.

I chose the palest, barely-a-hint-of-colour nail polish

because I  am not a total idiot.

We sat at the kitchen table, and I put my hand on a magazine.

I was wicked tired from working out, getting the kids to and from school, doing dishes, doing laundry, putting out the trash because The Man was away on business, making dinner, making snacks, etc, etc, etc, so actually, it was very soothing in Le Ella's Spa.

I didn't even care that kids basically STINK at painting nails, and she was slapping that stuff on with abandon:  dripping it everywhere, and basically coating the tips of my FINGERS.

Meh.  Whatever.

Whoo! That was boring.

The Difference Between 20 and 40

TWENTY

FORTY

ADVANTAGE:  40 YEAR OLD KAREN

Whoo! That was boring.

PMS Zit Neck

I'm not happy talking to you guys about this,

but,

sometimes (all the time) when I have THE PMS, I'm fairly hideous.

In fact, as the last week counts down to well, you know, things just get worse and worse--like I morph into some horrendous caricature of my usual self.


Chalk that up to great hormonal upset, lack of sleep and total apathy for my appearance.



Take last month for instance...

I got a giant zit.  Right on the SIDE OF MY NECK.
On my neck, for crying out loud.

I mean--what is more hideous than that?!?  What am I--a MONSTER?  A FREAKING TEENAGER?


Hideous.

A zit on my neck, and really, really bad hair because I was too exhausted to put conditioner on it, or even style it.  At all.


So, it was bad, mop hair with a halo of FUZZ around it.


And a wicked double chin thanks to water retention.

A zit on my neck, bad fuzzy mop frizz hair, wicked double chin, bags under my eyes from crappy sleep, a big bloated jelly belly and super sore hoots (with little unhappy faces on them).


SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE.

Fix that damn hair and get rid of THAT THING!!!

Yeah.  That NEVER works.


THAT only made it get at least twice as big as it was before.


Give up.

And let me tell you:  a bandaid isn't fooling ANYONE.





Whoo! That was boring.