Cake Day!

You know,

All week long I eat very healthy.
Ridiculously healthy.
Boringly healthy.

But have I forgotten my favourite delicious foods?!?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!?

So, on Sunday, I loosen up a little, and I make something that I LURV.

AND I LOVE CAKE!

I FREAKING LOVE CAKE!!!

But not just any old cake.  It has to be GOOD CAKE.  You go ahead and make your boxed cake mix cake, and still call it cake.  Fine....for you.

I'm talking about light, fluffy delicious cake that tastes like butter and sugar and vanilla, with a fluffy, sugary, buttery icing.

THAT is what I want.  And I wanted that stupid cake ALL WEEK.

But why make just any old cake?

Why not make...

BLUE CAKE!!!

Actually, that was totally The Man's idea.  I held out for a long time, because--blue cake?  What?  Am I FIVE?  No.  I am not.  I am a grown woman.

Meh.  He wore me down.

But WHO CARES ?!?  IT'S CAKE!  CAAAAAAAKE!  WONDERFUL SWIRLY ICING AND SUGAR-CRAMMED HEAVENLY CREATION!!!!

CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!



TAKE A BITE...

DO YOU HEAR THE MUSIC???

YOU ARE EATING CAAAAAAAAAAKE

WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SWEET, DELICIOUS
CAKE



There's only one little problem...you never eat that way usually...

...and you're FORTY now...

One good-sized slice of cake now equals immediate gut-rot.

Sorry.




Whoo! That was boring.

Horrible Thief

Well,

ages ago,

among other times,

I bought my girlie a chocolate bar, and advised her to ration it.

and believe it or not, she actually DID.



That thing sat on the counter for what felt like FOREVER.

Tormenting me.

Singing its sweet, chocolatey,

melt-in-your-mouth

siren song.

And you know EXACTLY what it would taste like,

so you have chocolate-devouring FANTASIES.


But then one day...

when there are only THREE SQUARES LEFT...

you CONVINCE yourself that OBVIOUSLY the kid forgot about them.

And then you DECIDE that you have every  right to eat it.

What the hell?  Who does all the work around here?
Who makes the dinners and lunches and snacks?
Who makes sure everyone has clean underpants all the time?

And anyways...looks like she forgot about those last three squares.

So you GOBBLE THEM UP!

And then, a day later...

Holy crap.  What have you done?!?


You tell the kid YOU ATE HER CHOCOLATE.

She CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!



And even worse:

SHE'S HEARTBROKEN!



But then, she's ANGRY


She gives you a GOOD lecture, in a very stern tone.

And then she never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever lets you forget it, forever after.


Every time a new piece of chocolate comes into the house, she makes sure you remember.

Guess you learned your lesson!



Whoo! That was boring.