We love them to BITS.
They're cute, and funny, and charming. They are also, from time to time, annoying, rude, bossy, and...oh wait....I should have stopped at charming.
But, from my observances, kids are also something ELSE.
They're gross.
Let's face it.
I know you feel me on this.
They want to show you the crap that comes out of their ears.
They wipe....THINGS..on places where THINGS should never go, instead of just getting a freaking TISSUE!!!
They create disgusting songs and poems to celebrate bums and boobies and dinks and poo poos and pee pees and boogers and stinks and, well, you name it.
They quickly discover they have a deep love and affection for FARTS. It's bad enough that they're constantly sucking you in, getting your attention only to tell you:
"I FARTED!!" with great delight.
But the worst...the absolute WORST...
The one thing I can NOT stand....
The thing that I should never find on:
- the side of the bathtub
- the drawers of a dresser
-the bathroom floor
- the wall beside the toilet paper
and NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER, EVERRRRRR ON A CLEAN FREAKING TOWEL!!!!!
I WISH I could tell you THAT never happened.
Sigh.
I KNOW you feel me on this.
Home is where you have to wipe the toilet seat before you sit down. Ahhhh...home SWEET home!
ReplyDeleteoh my god, Jennifer--you NAILED IT. I had to do that AGAIN this morning, and am still considering putting up some little sign on the toilet for my son that says LIFT THE SEAT FIRST.
DeleteUggggggh! This drives me INSANE. Gah.
DeleteGAH is right, Val!
DeleteYeah, they are vile little buggers. Men aren't much better. Why can't they contain their bodily fluids, gases and solids more discreetly? I'm all for sharing, but I've dealt with enough of that crap (literally) to last me a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteOops. Just farted. Sorry, Karen. xxxxx
Oh Curtise, you're too funny, and sorry, but I can't imagine you being crude or crass really, just stylish, lovely and fun to be with.
DeleteOh man, they're so nasty! I was once cleaning a house and was emptying a bathroom trashcan of a teenaged boy. I dumped it into a bag, but noticed there was a toilet paper roll stuck to the bottom, so without thinking, I reached in and snatched it out with my hand. Only to discover that it was covered in poo which had glued itself to the bottom of the trashcan. OMG. I needed to boil my hand post haste!
ReplyDeletedid you tattle on him to his mother? Damn, but he NEEDED to get in trouble for that one. So gross.
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